Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
