TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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