Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i will never coherently bang her
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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