so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
