Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
