a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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