im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
