i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
3 2 1 whiskey
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
