I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
