oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
