I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize