I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
