Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
