i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
