You surviving the open bar?
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I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He kissed a someone with a penis
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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