Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
