I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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