the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
