Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
