I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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