WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Four minutes until I can fart!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
