I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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