Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
