so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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