are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
