I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
