You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
