ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
