Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize