I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
