Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
