My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
