There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
