he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
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