A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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