Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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