My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
