Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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