Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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