I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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