we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
