It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
