just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
