It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
