my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
