I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize