We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
