i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Let's get the cat blown out
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
