Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
