We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
