sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
