I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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