Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Come share oat with me in your robe
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
