Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
