If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Someone came in the potted fern
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
