I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
