Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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