We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
