I'm jealous of your bromance
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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