sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
