That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
