fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize