If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
