oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He better not be in your backpack
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
