I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
