You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
