It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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