So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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