Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
