hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
