we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
