He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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