I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
